When I was 9 years old I was living with my dad in Mobile, Alabama. My dad is also an immigrant from Nicaragua so I don't know why he would move to one of the whitest states in America. It was a small town and a big difference from my hometown of Los Angeles, but I still had fun. We lived in an apartment complex called Colony Park and it had pretty much anything I wanted when it came to playing outside. It had a jungle gym where me and my friends would play hide 'n' seek, a tennis court that we used to play baseball in, and a swimming pool for all of those hot summer afternoons. It even had bushes about every two meters so a bathroom was always conveniently within reach.
One summer day, I went outside to find some of my friends playing baseball in the tennis court and wanted to join in. My stomach had been aching the whole day so I decided to drink a can of Sprite to make it feel better. After a while, the game started to be a pretty close one even though we weren't counting innings. It was my turn to bat and like every other time, my goal was to hit the pitcher in the face with the ball. My friend CJ, pitching at the time, was talking a lot of shit to get in my head so it only made me want to hit him in the face that much more. My first swing was a strike and my second was a ball. On my third swing, I didn't hit a home run, but I hit the ball far enough to score a point. The only problem was I couldn't run. When I swung the bat, I also farted, which also let out a little extra surprise that I could feel running down my ass cheeks.
"I"ll be right back." I told my friends.
"Where you going?" asked my friend LaDarrian.
"I need to go pee." I answered. I ran behind the nearest building and hid behind one of the nearest convenience bushes. I pulled down my shorts and underwear and saw a small spot of shit. I decided to shit out the rest of anything that I had inside me because I figured it would be better off behind that bush than on my underwear. I was shitting out diarrhea for the next five minutes and started to realize this is why my stomach was aching. If only I replaced the Sprite for a bottle of water. I picked up my pants and was disgusted by the feeling of the shit on my ass again. It's kind of like waking up in your own vomit, wiping off the part on your face, and going back to bed in your vomit.
I couldn't go back to the tennis courts because, not only would they smell something funny [JAJAJAJA], they would notice me wattling like a duck from first to second base. I couldn't have any of that. I decided to run home and go change. I would throw my panties away and change my still redeemable shorts. I couldn't run, so I began speed walking to my house as if my water was about to break. I was so relieved to get to my house because I couldn't have anyone find out about this. I started digging in my pockets for my house keys and couldn't find them. I was about to cry. The only way to get inside my house was to wait for someone else to open the door for me. How the fuck was I supposed to be let in without someone realizing that I shit my pants?
I calmed down for a bit and decided to knock on the door. Hopefully my stepmom was home from work. But what would I say? I stepped in dog shit! Really? Were you walking with your ass? I was playing in the grass and sat on shit! It didn't even really matter what I said because nobody answered the door. I started to cry because there was nothing I could do. I decided to go to my friend Noel's house and clean myself up. I knocked on the door and Noel's mom answered the door and saw me crying.
"Caesar." said Anita, Noel's mom. "What's the matter?"
"I pooped my pants!" I said bawling.
"What?" Anita asked. I could tell she wanted to laugh. I couldn't exactly blame her. "Go clean yourself in the bathroom. I'll get you some of Justin's underwear." Justin is Noel's brother and didn't know how Anita would find underwear of his that would fit me. He has the shape of a little Asian girl or a meth addict. I was glad Noel didn't answer the door because I knew if I told her, she would tell everyone and that would be the end of me. I went straight to the bathroom and rushed to take off my shorts and underwear. For some reason, there was more shit on my underwear than before and it was still wet as if it had just come out of my asshole seconds ago. As a result of rushing to take off my clothes, some of the shit ended up going on my shorts, but at that point all I wanted to do was die and resurrect when everyone forgot all about this. I heard someone come in through the front door.
"What's that smell?!" Yelled Noel. Perfect. Just the person I wanted to see.
"Caesar pooped his pants." answered Anita. Great. There goes my reputation. I continued cleaning myself and heard a knock on the door.
"Caesar?" It was Anita. "I have some underwear." I opened the door slightly and grabbed the underwear. After I was all dressed up, I left the house embarrassed and took the back way home so no one would see me. I threw my defiled panties in the gutter so no one would ever see them and ended up staying in front of my door until someone came home. It was then that I realized that there was some shit on my shorts and I still smelled like a senior citizen after they've had Indian food.
Soonafter, I saw my dad's truck coming around the corner and for the first time was excited to see him come home. I was hoping he had groceries so he can open the door and all I had to do was take a couple bags, drop them in the kitchen, and run to my room to get changed and destroy all evidence. Unfortunately he stopped the truck without even turning it off and told me to get in. Fuck... I'm doomed. I started approaching the truck with both my Dad and my brother looking at me as if they could already smell me.
"Scoot over." I demanded. Usually, my brother always makes me sit in the middle, but I think he could tell I would turn into a maniac if I sat in the middle this time. My brother scoot over closer to my dad as I slowly stepped into the car. I immediately rolled down the window and sat as close to the door as possible. I was also clenching my butt as if I had to hold in a fart. I don't know why I was doing it, but it made me feel like it would hide the smell. I knew I was in trouble when I could hear my dad sniffing.
"Cesar," said my dad. "Did you step on shit?!!!"
One summer day, I went outside to find some of my friends playing baseball in the tennis court and wanted to join in. My stomach had been aching the whole day so I decided to drink a can of Sprite to make it feel better. After a while, the game started to be a pretty close one even though we weren't counting innings. It was my turn to bat and like every other time, my goal was to hit the pitcher in the face with the ball. My friend CJ, pitching at the time, was talking a lot of shit to get in my head so it only made me want to hit him in the face that much more. My first swing was a strike and my second was a ball. On my third swing, I didn't hit a home run, but I hit the ball far enough to score a point. The only problem was I couldn't run. When I swung the bat, I also farted, which also let out a little extra surprise that I could feel running down my ass cheeks.
"I"ll be right back." I told my friends.
"Where you going?" asked my friend LaDarrian.
"I need to go pee." I answered. I ran behind the nearest building and hid behind one of the nearest convenience bushes. I pulled down my shorts and underwear and saw a small spot of shit. I decided to shit out the rest of anything that I had inside me because I figured it would be better off behind that bush than on my underwear. I was shitting out diarrhea for the next five minutes and started to realize this is why my stomach was aching. If only I replaced the Sprite for a bottle of water. I picked up my pants and was disgusted by the feeling of the shit on my ass again. It's kind of like waking up in your own vomit, wiping off the part on your face, and going back to bed in your vomit.
I couldn't go back to the tennis courts because, not only would they smell something funny [JAJAJAJA], they would notice me wattling like a duck from first to second base. I couldn't have any of that. I decided to run home and go change. I would throw my panties away and change my still redeemable shorts. I couldn't run, so I began speed walking to my house as if my water was about to break. I was so relieved to get to my house because I couldn't have anyone find out about this. I started digging in my pockets for my house keys and couldn't find them. I was about to cry. The only way to get inside my house was to wait for someone else to open the door for me. How the fuck was I supposed to be let in without someone realizing that I shit my pants?
I calmed down for a bit and decided to knock on the door. Hopefully my stepmom was home from work. But what would I say? I stepped in dog shit! Really? Were you walking with your ass? I was playing in the grass and sat on shit! It didn't even really matter what I said because nobody answered the door. I started to cry because there was nothing I could do. I decided to go to my friend Noel's house and clean myself up. I knocked on the door and Noel's mom answered the door and saw me crying.
"Caesar." said Anita, Noel's mom. "What's the matter?"
"I pooped my pants!" I said bawling.
"What?" Anita asked. I could tell she wanted to laugh. I couldn't exactly blame her. "Go clean yourself in the bathroom. I'll get you some of Justin's underwear." Justin is Noel's brother and didn't know how Anita would find underwear of his that would fit me. He has the shape of a little Asian girl or a meth addict. I was glad Noel didn't answer the door because I knew if I told her, she would tell everyone and that would be the end of me. I went straight to the bathroom and rushed to take off my shorts and underwear. For some reason, there was more shit on my underwear than before and it was still wet as if it had just come out of my asshole seconds ago. As a result of rushing to take off my clothes, some of the shit ended up going on my shorts, but at that point all I wanted to do was die and resurrect when everyone forgot all about this. I heard someone come in through the front door.
"What's that smell?!" Yelled Noel. Perfect. Just the person I wanted to see.
"Caesar pooped his pants." answered Anita. Great. There goes my reputation. I continued cleaning myself and heard a knock on the door.
"Caesar?" It was Anita. "I have some underwear." I opened the door slightly and grabbed the underwear. After I was all dressed up, I left the house embarrassed and took the back way home so no one would see me. I threw my defiled panties in the gutter so no one would ever see them and ended up staying in front of my door until someone came home. It was then that I realized that there was some shit on my shorts and I still smelled like a senior citizen after they've had Indian food.
Soonafter, I saw my dad's truck coming around the corner and for the first time was excited to see him come home. I was hoping he had groceries so he can open the door and all I had to do was take a couple bags, drop them in the kitchen, and run to my room to get changed and destroy all evidence. Unfortunately he stopped the truck without even turning it off and told me to get in. Fuck... I'm doomed. I started approaching the truck with both my Dad and my brother looking at me as if they could already smell me.
"Scoot over." I demanded. Usually, my brother always makes me sit in the middle, but I think he could tell I would turn into a maniac if I sat in the middle this time. My brother scoot over closer to my dad as I slowly stepped into the car. I immediately rolled down the window and sat as close to the door as possible. I was also clenching my butt as if I had to hold in a fart. I don't know why I was doing it, but it made me feel like it would hide the smell. I knew I was in trouble when I could hear my dad sniffing.
"Cesar," said my dad. "Did you step on shit?!!!"
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